A Revelation
I’ve realized, after observing the last 8 years of my life, that I am more comfortable being the admirer.
Regardless of how many talents I develop,
there seems to be something that always keeps me from excellence. I am the jack
of (almost) all trades. Perhaps its my lack of will, my easily dampened
confidence, my quickly silenced enthusiasm. I know the passion remains, but it is underneath
the calm surface, overflowing only sometimes during the rains.
I had always thought that perhaps I have just not found the
correct field yet, but I must accept that I am an admirer of the art and its
genius. There is no shame in this. "Reaching out" comes with a certain amount of stress and vulnerability that usually affects me negatively.
Even romantically I find myself attracted to men with some passion and drive. I am a part of the individuals in the background. The people who form the support and encouragement for the artist struggling with their inner and outer demons.
Even romantically I find myself attracted to men with some passion and drive. I am a part of the individuals in the background. The people who form the support and encouragement for the artist struggling with their inner and outer demons.
In academics, in music and now in anthropology, I contribute with my limited means and keep the field alive, but I can only marvel at the accomplished thoughts of
the people around me. Perhaps it’s in this acceptance that I can finally find
peace and excel in admiring instead.
xoxo
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