"Do what you want to baby”
This seems to be the popular catch phrase coming out of American music these days. The thing is most of these songs don’t apply to third world nations and communities like mine. I live in India, specifically in the tiny Himalayan state of Sikkim. The culture here is nothing like most of its mother nation, and is far from similar to anything America or most first world nations have to offer.
Our society believes in taking care of the children till they can stand on their own two feet and helping them do so. Then this new generation of adults are expected to take care of the old and they must find a way of doing so. Their duty to their family comes first. Regardless of whether it’s a feeling thats been engrained into their brains, or societal pressures that make them keep to this pattern, or its due to their deep feelings of debt towards the people who supported them when they were vulnerable and thus the need to reciprocate that care, what ever the reason may be, till today we find that most youth of this nation feel the need to follow this tradition as best they can.
Of course, slowly the population of a more first world culture of individualism is certainly coming up but this is focussed primarily in the urban areas, and like all changes it has both its pros and its cons. At present however, the majority still lies with this traditional group.
Society has changed over the years with growing influence from western cultures, and things are more lenient now than they used to be, but the overarching framework of traditional societal norms are still adhered to for the most part. We can do what we want, only if it ends up in a secure job that has the chance to progress. We can marry whoever we want, just as long as he/she keeps to the usual criteria: monetarily well off, good job, same religion, physically and mentally stable, same race (or better yet, a white guy who follows the same religion. Jackpot). You know, the usual. And it must be a person of the opposite sex, obviously, what else? What else could it ever possibly be for their perfect child?
We can swim into the ocean, just as long as we don’t swim too far for our family to reach us. We may dream, just as long as we don’t “foolishly" sacrifice a “good” life in its pursuit. Thus, our families become both our salvation as well as our burden. I often wonder if this need I feel to make my family happy and to keep to their expectations is due to my tendency to value nostalgia? Is it the old soul in me that enjoys dreaming of the romantic days of the past that so freely accepts these restrictions? Not just accepts, but sometimes feels the need for it and hopes to propagate it.
I studied in London and during my short duration there I noticed how independent the native old people were and how easily they took complete care of themselves. They went shopping for groceries carrying their wheeled bags, took their dogs on walks and visited the doctor all on their own. I always felt sad to see their slow quivering bodies walking around alone carrying out their chores. I wondered where their families must be and how they could let someone so old do everything themselves. But now in hindsight, I don’t think there was anything wrong at all.
That was the system they were used to. Their country thrived on the old never growing mentally old. Look at the Queen of their nation. Her hair has become more grey than the fur on the royal crown, and yet she is no where close to being the vulnerable dependent old person that most Indian grandparents naturally grow into. My parents often tell me how it is good for “old people” to stay mentally alert and do things for themselves (not referring to themselves, but my grandparents). Going about daily activities and doing daily chores, no matter how small or little, helps them to stay positive.
In my ideal world nobody would grow old. They would be born with a certain age limit, and when the time would come they would stop living, as if on a timer. But we don’t live in such a world. Here, in our reality, change is the only constant thing. Thus, I’m forced to wonder, should the youth be left to do what they want and the old to fend for themselves. Is this freeing or nerve wracking, because every youth must eventually become old. Is this western tradition of individualism one to strive for, or one to avoid as far as socially possible?
Feel free to share your thoughts on this. I'd love to know. Thanks.
Till next time then.
xoxo
