XI - Memory

Memory

It was the birthday of some one really close to my heart yesterday. ~*

Its funny how somethings make you look back on the past, and you end up spending hours just going through old pictures or videos or sound recordings of happy times. Things that had been captured just for fun, but which now hold memories more precious than everything money can buy.

I've often cursed my memory.
"It's very weak."
"It can't retain enough."
"I'm probably gonna get Alziemer's really early in life."
But to be honest, I guess I'll only be happy and truly satisfied with my memory when it becomes one like a hard disk...or like Sheldon.

I wish I could retain every favorite event and remember it like it was yesterday. I wish I could remember the smells, the conversations word by word, the thoughts, the sounds, the touch. Sadly, snippets is all I end up with at the end of the day; fractured scenes and sentences. That and a bit of the feeling of the experience, which is the only saving grace.

I believe that the mind is the most powerful and dangerous weapon. People can be controlled though it without the slightest hint. It can also lead to self-destruction. You can end up hanging on to the past and keep living in denial, destroying yourself mentally. However, there is a most magical side to this as well. Your mind can help you re-live some moments with someone through a Dream.

After he joined the angels, these dreams became my safest haven. Waking up was a new tragedy to be dealt with.

Eighteen months later I've reached a point when all I can remember are the happy memories. There's still a little feeling of melancholy when I look back, but time heals little by little. 

As Juan Antonio said in Vicky Cristina Barcelona, 

"...only unfulfilled love can be romantic."